I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
