shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
