so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she smelled like a LAN party
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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