On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
