i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We are two peas in an std pod
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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