she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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