you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
