i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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