don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
