No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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