all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is my gift to your gina
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
