If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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