I didn't shave. On purpose
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
