remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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