im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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