I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize