okay pat passed out under dana's car
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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