I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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