So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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