I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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