We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
