dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize