the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
