cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize