wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
