You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
