i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize