So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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