I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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