Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bring money and cleavage
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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