he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
