Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
