He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
