..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
