it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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