Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
