My friends, they love my intelligence
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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