Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
