After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
