Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
