Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
