Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
