He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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