I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
this is an emotional support booty call
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
