what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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