Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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