Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize