His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
