i barfeds in our rink
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
