Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
