I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
