I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
