Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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