Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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