Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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