they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
