Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
