i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
