see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
