so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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