his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
