But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
