well you can't waste a boner
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
