one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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