He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize