Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
