Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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